You touched on an interesting point about being a Dad and not a buddy. This also should go for Moms and even Grand Parents who are concerned.
We, as parents, naturally want our kids to be pals. The problem is we end up enabling them to continue this unhealthy path.
Unfortunately they can become defiant, aggressive, and sometimes abusive.
A friend of mine recently asked for help with her 14 year old daughter. Mom was self employed and working her tail off to provide.
Her daughter would beg for The fast food, want mom to buy the processed foods, and the daughter even cooked it in a deep fat fryer.
Mom wanted to be a best friend and tried. But her 14 year old caused serious problems. She became seriously abusive and started sneaking out night.
When she returned she had no remorse and heated up the deep fat fryer.
Mom didn't know what to do. Then the 14 year old refused going to school. As much as Mom tried she resisted and threatend to call DHS if she was touched.
That's when we realized that there was a behavioral issue which leads to what you inferred to as parental counseling.
The child had all the services available to her...But they were not working. So..I did some research and found a program that helped solve the defiant issue. Which in turn helped her become a more effective parent.
I'm still blown away and amazed by this program.
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Daughter's Weight Is A Combination Of Issues by: Randi L
Hi Dads,
Most likely your daughter's weight gain, as James stated, began around the divorce. Also keep in mind that children tend to unconsciously model their parents habits.
For instance if her Mom is stressed and turns to food and sugary beverages, the daughter (or son) can learn to do the same. Also if mom is depressed and turns to food and prefers to sit around doing nothing as source of comfort/ or boredom due to lack of initiative--the child unconsciously learns to do the same.
Therefore a few suggestions:
Consider Parental counseling where Mom and Dad can discuss issues away from the child and come to a sense of agreement for the child's sake, health and wellness; such as eliminating all prepackaged snacks (cookies, boxed cakes, frozen pizza) and beverages (soda) from the home.
Also to ensure that she gets some exercise----even if you both are at work--there is a great group for little girls whereby they get support build skills and self-confidence referred to as GIRL SCOUTS.
And if She doesn't want to do this, there are other options including joining the gym or a roller skating group, playing those physically manipulated Wii games---she may even develop a passion for Tennis by playing Wii games---a neighbor's child did--for real!
Also Dad--Be a Daddy not a Buddy. That means take control of the situation and introduce her to some good healthful foods that aren't just healthful they taste phenomenal and are easy to prepare (see www.lovemorefeedless.com for recipes).
Introduce her to fun physical activities rather than killing time together with food. Go for walks, advenetures to the Nature/garden centers, parks (amusement and walkable)
Introduce her to softball, basketball, soccer, volleyball without a net---fun physical things, fun foods and fun times that help develop memories that last a lifetime.
For dealing with the Bullies----Suggest to her that no matter how hard it is to just ignore then by smiling, putting her head and shoulders up and walking away. (practice this a little bit too.) Bullies hate to be ignored.
Because little kids can be mean at best Empower her with wisdom and skills that helps develop peer respect. Such as knowing where to find the Milky Way in the sky, knowing all the words and moves to the latest song/dance.
Lastly never use the words, fat, obese, chubby around your daughter--she knows and does not need the reminder. Realize that many beautiful people have big bones and big bodies yet they are not fat or obese as their body is relatively firm not soft and flabby. Sure hope this helps!!!!
